Bumper sticker seen in Fort Collins: WWJB. (Who Would Jesus Bomb?)
Dr. Koschene returned sports to me. It was circa 1988 when she found solutions to my knee problems that had eluded family doctors, orthopedic surgeons and podiatrists. With therapy and Foot Levers orthotics, I was back on the football field and the basketball court. I owe my place on three high school flag-football championship teams to her. In 1989 Brian and I were the only two freshman to be picked to join A-league basketball teams.
Dr. Koschene giveth, and she taketh away. Fast-forward to today… Her thumb and forefinger met and formed a circle while looking at the x-ray taken after my first debilitating neck episode back in Sept. “Jeff, your spinal column is about this size,” she said raising her circled fingers. Then she pulled her index finger closer to her palm to shrink the diameter of the open circle. “If it were this size, you could have been paralyzed.”
I’m still processing this.
The neurologist in Seoul had said I would have had surgery if I’d gone to him instead of the Oriental therapists. But they had been able to help my vertebrae enough to reduce the seriousness of the injury. He said no sports for 3-4 years. I was hoping that he was over-reacting.
But today, my trusted chiropractor/masseuse/kinesiologist/nutritionist/counselor of over 15 years drove home the seriousness.
She wants no more running sports or sports that jar the neck—basketball, football, skiing, etc. No more hefty backpacks; she favors small lumbar packs for hiking.
I’m still processing this.
I mean, one of my e-mail addresses is from backpacking.com. I’m a backpacker. I’m a basketball player. I’m a football player. I’m a mountain biker. I’m a skier. I’m a tennis player. I’m retired. Thirty and retired?
I’m still processing this.
The two bright spots—she’s still open to hiking and rock-climbing (bouldering not included).
I can camp. I can hike. I can rock-climb. Hey, I can walk.
Actually hiking and climbing will have to wait; there’s still a lot of therapy to be done first. But those are points of hope. Really, truly.
It’s just hard to think of being a dad who can’t do sports.
Check out my dad. He taught me to ski on Mt. Hood about the time I started school. Once we moved to Colorado, he taught me to ski moguls high in the Rockies. He taught me to play basketball, football and softball. He took me mountain biking all over Colorado. When I was looking for a good bike, he took me to a bunch of shops in at least three different cities and let me try bikes until we found rides we were really into. On his 40th birthday he rode 100 miles on his bicycle. When I got into dirt bikes, he was right there with me. Actually, he was into trail riding long before I came on the scene. He took me to dirt tracks and to the mountains. My senior present was a cycle trip over some of Colorado’s coolest backcountry and mountain passes. Charissa and I are talking about starting the fam, but suddenly I’m asking myself how I can be a dad if I can’t give my kids those same things.
Yeah, I’m really frustrated tonight. It’s always easier to focus on what was lost than on what I still have. Did you catch that; I’m not paralyzed. I can walk.
And someday, God willing, I’ll climb.
But I want to be a dad like my dad.
I can walk.
I’m still processing this.
Shayne shared John Reuben with me. Tonight we got his CD “the boy vs the cynic.” Here are some lines from All I Have:
Are you disappointed
Is the world a let down
With your head in the clouds it’s time to get down
Head on collision
Crushed by dreams
So we leave our hearts at the accident scene
Shattered pieces scattered….
Realize life isn’t lived in fantasies no matter how much planning or strategy
Joy comes along with tragedy
I own them all gladly.
I’m alright. I’m ok.
I kind of like doing things this way
All I have is what God gives
And that’s all the life I was meant to live….
The starlight at night is more of a highlight than the highlife
The air I consume from the breath of creation renews my soul
Everyday I awake
Ah man, tell me who knew that simply being content was the dream come true.
Pack light. Leave “if only” at home.
2 comments:
wow. i had no idea this was so serious. i only knew you had a large brain, which explains a lot. i am praying for you and charissa. i miss you guys here in korea. rpp misses you as well. i don't have time to cuddle him, so when i feed him he still keeps his distance and meows. but he still comes around every day. he hasn't forgotten you.
leo headed out to south africa today. us women are manning the textbook front and, i think, doing a pretty good job. always smalls dramas, but we're good, we're moving, we're positive. every day? well, almost every day.
tomorrow morning i'm getting a wisdom tooth removed. cool, huh? it's my minor surgery for 2006. i'm excited.
it's back to work for me.
be well. rest well. we're praying for you.
Words are aluding me right now. I want to say something comforting, something profound... I can't.
I can say that empathize with you. Or to put it in the current lingo... "I'm feeling you dog"
Sigh...
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