Sometimes it's hard to be present, "in the moment." Sitting in class, but not hearing a word of the lecture because you're dreaming of the weekend ski trip. Driving to work, but not seeing the raccoon in front of you because you're thinking about the size of the dead zones in the Gulf of Mexico. Resting in therapy, but not being a part of the healing process because you're planning your next reply to the guy who called you ignorant.
I participate in some weird treatment modalities, and tonight I was "out of the room" more often than I was present. "I'm going to write about the Gaia Hypothesis, geo-dome nutritional studies, change management within organizations, and European political revolutions. I'm going to describe my reading list and quote more scripture," I would scheme.
Then I'd realize I was off in Defense Land and not in the moment, far from muscle relaxation therapy, far from awareness of my breathing, far from peace.
Ego--what power. What does it matter if someone disagrees with me? Why the drive to be right? From where comes this urge to defend? Peace is so fleeting when I must prove myself. I think I know. You don't have to write comments to share your theories for my reactions. But feel free to share where you find peace. Share a time when your ideas were belittled, and how you responded positively. Share a time someone was rude to you, and in love you responded with respect. Share a time you learned from your own mistakes.
In Donald Miller's terms, is the lifeboat so unsteady?
7 comments:
i don't feel like i'm very loving lately. i feel scattered. but the other day i realized that i feel at peace when i'm walking. when i'm walking and i'm not really sure if i'm going the right direction, but i think that i am and i'm willing to be wrong because i know that even if i'm wrong i'll still be able to find my way eventually and learn a new way in the meantime.
and i feel good when i'm creating something.
and what were you smoking when you wrote that coffee comment on my blog? i think you may have gone a little far in finding peace...
Peace by any means possible!
sigh i just wrote this uber long comment and the work computer kicked me off the net and it lost it! argh technology!
but the jist of it was the fact that i think there is something wrong with me - i'm unable to take time out. i wake up at 6, go to uni for the day, 3 times a weekday - straight to the book store, then home at 10, then class work, then the same the next day (unless class ends late, then i get to avoid customer service!) and weekends pretty much the same, just substitute class for family agendas, extra murals and paper writing. and then the minute i get, say , half a day off, my body/mind freaks out! and i get hyper and have to do something! its odd. i forced myself to take the morning off this morning and for some reason, i'm 2ce as tired! why is that?
to find peace? i used to horse ride, bake, play tennis, sing. now i'm peacful when i'm sleeping.
ps jeff what do you do in the real world?
A time when my ideas were belittled.... I must say that I am a quitter when it comes to such things. Often when someone attacks me because of an idea I have, I fall into silence. And although this may keep the interaction peaceful, I do not have internal peace. What did I do when I was attacked in a small group for being a Christian? I never went back. And the man who was so vicious to me was never proved wrong. He continued to believe that all Christians were close-minded, hateful human beings. Both fighting and fleeing can bring negative results. Luckily, there is A Third Way. Now why does it have to be so difficult?
I get up to the sound of a blatty alarm. I drive to school racing other cars looking for the same parking spots. I wait in line behind 21 people hoping nobody takes the last 3 bags of tea. I go to class hoping the professor doesn't ask me to talk about those 6 lines that I didn't understand. I sit in an office with 7 people who scream about football, gossip about fellow students and argue about what aristotle really meant thinking they're the first to figure it out.
Then I go teach 20 kids who roll their eyes at my jokes and give an audible huff when I mention the next writing assignment.
And I find great peace in knowing that after the alarm clock my day is merely getting more and more human. Abrasive obnoxious competitive narrow-minded selfish people are easy to understand. Their engines work on the same fuel as mine.
Part of my scholarship involves me teaching in lab session and I had a very difficult group of first year students ,one of whom was a girl who got straight A's and used to fight for the extra 1% that she had 'missed.' She treated me like a complete idiot.
It's amazing how everyone gets really defensive as soon as their ideas are called into question. I'm fortunate in that I have really awesome friends who listen to me getting upset and then calm me down until I can handle the situation. Generally if I'm really upset I go for a drive and get all of the tears out of my system until I'm ready to go back and smile at the people who upset me. Most people know that if I get really really upset that it's a huge problem that muct be sorted out, because I'm a total drama queen mostly, but I don't let stuff really upset me too easily.
Last time I lost my temper I was fortunate enough to be at a place called the 'Walter Sisulu National Botanical Gardens' and it's really beautiful there and I went on a long (and pretty tough for a hot day) walk over all the koppies and down by the waterfall. I got the aggression out of my system by overtaking everyone else on the path, and I got rid of the sadness by enjoying the sunshine and the beautiful blue sky that goes on for ever up there.
I love these stories. Thanks for sharing "realness."
And I love your goatee, Michael.
Peace.
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