A Public Repentance

I made a public declaration, so it is appropriate for me to make a public repentance.

In 2003 I said that I was going to change my degree because God was leading me to switch from the MBA program to the MSA in International Development. I perceived his leading inside me and in the events around me.

However, in the end I did not make the change. I won’t go into the details of the story, but the basic motivation for not changing was fear, that is lack of trust in God. Fear that the MSA would be too limiting as compared to the MBA; lack of trust that if God wanted me to study development, he would take care of us. In MBA I trust?

Clearly, my decision based on fear was wrong. A sin. I am sorry that I did not follow, and I hope you will follow God, your Good Shepherd, wherever he leads you. May we each follow the truth that is in our hands right now.

Charissa recently shared the following quote from Patriarchs and Prophets with me. It is about David and his lack of faith and obedience while living with Achish (1 Samuel 29, 30 and 2 Samuel 1).

“David was caused to feel that he had missed his path. Far better would it have been for him to find refuge in God’s strong fortresses of the mountains than with the avowed enemies of Jehovah and His people. But the Lord in His great mercy did not punish this error of His servant by leaving him to himself in his distress and perplexity; for though David, losing his grasp on divine power, had faltered and turned aside from the path of strict integrity, it was still the purpose of his heart to be true to God.”

You can read the story in the books of Samuel to see how God saved David from his own mistakes. It speaks to me, as do the following words of Jesus and a certain father:

“Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” –Jesus (Matthew 14:27, 31)

“I do believe; help my unbelief.” –Father of sick boy (Mark 9:24)

Where does our story go from here? Stay tuned.

These have also been on my mind:

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5-8

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5, 6

“’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes…” Jeremiah 9:11-14b

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed…” James 5:16